she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
I cant talk right now they are about to fuck again
McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
Randomize