I like my sex mixed with concussions.
I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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