If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
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