If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
Randomize
