i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
Randomize
