At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
He asked me if I "almost moaned"
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
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