Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
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