Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
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