yeah but I shoulda known it\'d be bad when he start rubbing my pubic bone instead of the clit! Awkkkkwarddd
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
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