Have fun with your cool freestyling girlfriend!
She can rap better than you any day
it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
Randomize
