watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
Randomize
