How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
Randomize
