You just made me feel so damn special
College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
Randomize
