All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
Randomize
