im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
I think im going to throw up on grandma
I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Randomize
