dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
Randomize
