dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
Randomize
