It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
There was a lot of him and a little penis
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
Randomize
