I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
I just had sex on a roof
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
I pour the whiskey from now on
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
Randomize
