Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize
