Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize
