1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
Randomize
