I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
Randomize
