so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
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