sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
Randomize
