just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
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