i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
Randomize
