Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
Randomize
