the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
My dad just informed me that I may be entitled to $1700 worth of stimulus money... looks like that hitachi is coming sooner than later. Let's hope for the best!
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