i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
Randomize
