her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
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