she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
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