Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
Randomize
