he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
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