pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
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