All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
Randomize
