I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
I look excited, but its just a facade.
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
Randomize
