Well douche your snatch and let's go!
As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
Randomize
