Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
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