God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
Randomize
