I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
Randomize
