i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
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