Hope the move went well! I'll miss you!
you are a cunt and I hated living with you and your skeezy boyfriend.Just thought I'd get that out there.
I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
I need to wash the frat house off of me
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
Randomize
