oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
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