i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
I use my feet as sexual weapons
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
Randomize
