Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
Randomize
