Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
Randomize
