'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize
