Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
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