I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
Randomize
