I have demons in me.
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
Randomize
