She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
Lots of explosions. Minor nudity. Full penetration and lots of tuxedos.
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
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