I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
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