omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
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