and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
Randomize
