mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
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