There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
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