I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
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