there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
Adams eating in the shower, he says it's one of his favorite places to eat. Btw it's milanos he's eating, he says he loves italy too.
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
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