You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
Randomize
