Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
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