lol you are funny thanks bro I'll take you to a strip club
I don't wanna go to a strip club I'd rather get my boobs free or earn them from a series of good deeds
Ha! What's wrong with that? Hard work deserves compensation. I accept cash, checks, and boobies!
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
How much explanation does bbqsexapalooza need?
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize
