Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
Randomize
