just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
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Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
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sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
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