Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
If you think im a hippy you should see these girls. They would scissor mother nature if they had the chance.
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
Randomize
