There was a point where some of my friends attempted 'moi's', which stands for makeout on introduction.
It involved going up to women and very aggressively trying to make out with them upon meeting them
Surprisingly the success rate was exceedingly high
I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
Randomize
