I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks?
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
Randomize
