In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
Someone shat in the 1st floor west girls hall. Literally SHAT in the hallway
That's what she gets for taking his peeps.
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
Randomize
