I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize
