hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
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