Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
I wear drunk well.
Randomize
