Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
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