NO FUCKING WAY. PLEASE MAKE HER IMPLANT THAT POOR KID INTO A RESPONSIBLE UTERUS.
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
Randomize
