woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
Randomize
