you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
i drank out of a bidet.
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
Randomize
