I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
Randomize
