i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
Someone signed my nipple.
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
Randomize
