i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
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