dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
Randomize
