The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
Bank of America: Available balance is $546.25 on 03/04/2011 for account 8428. Go online for details. TextSTOPtoStop/TextHELPforHelp
i loe djcudia fjxos rue.
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
Randomize
