butt plug
anus plug
rubbish cock?
yes
you suck at this game today
We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
Randomize
