I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
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