I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
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