so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
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